Starting a story 4 years old

Today I am starting my story after 4 years, I am 28 years old and I have been so sick it's turned my life on its head for 4 years now.
I spent years expecting major change or some sort of miracle that has not come, Ive realized how hard this is on my friends and family, my poor mother cries over it more then I do.

So for my own sanity and for theirs Ive chosen to move as much of my struggling and venting as I can here to this blog and that way it saves them the extra worries and stresses and it helps me cry on the shoulder of my blog when it gets to much to handle.

So let me start out with an update on my life at this moment, I will more then likely leave most of the last 4 years in the past and post from here out on whats happening, though I do promise to share some of the things ive learned in that time.
Without further delay:


This has been one of the worst weeks ive had in ages, my wallet was stolen 2 days ago and that was a huge mess, so so huge. I now have no money at all and limited access to my accounts and Ive got to replace a bunch of things like my SS card,no fun.
Last night I was feeling so sick I had to take extra nausea meds and I went to bed hoping to sleep it off but no such luck I woke up feeling worse and have been feeling so very bad all day and it didnt help that I got a jury duty letter today as well as a call from the surgery center at my local hospital to let me know I have to come in for exploratory surgery on July 9th , keep in mind that thru this whole 4 years they have yet to figure whats got me so sick and why in the last 2 months its gotten worse.

I've lost 30 pounds in the last 2 and a half months from hardly being able to eat, I had thought maybe I had a gluten allergy so ive cut it out of my diet and that really hasn't helped.

Im sitting here as I type feeling so sick with so much pain, its like an ongoing very painful food poisoning that never really ends. Surgery is coming up now and all I want is for the answer to be found now.. They think maybe cancer and as strange as it sounds I dont really care if it is, because atleast I could know why im so sick and work towards fixing it. Not knowing whats wrong kills me and makes it impossible to get any cure or fix.
Ive had my gallbladder taken out and that only made things worse.
I was told is was IBS but my symptoms dont follow that and tend to be much more severe.
So now we are exploring the endometriosis route since I have a bunch of very strong symptoms that point that way.. I got back my 5ooth abnormal pap a few weeks back so even more tests. Im so very tired all the time so the idea of more tests just seems overwhelming to me.

Ive as of late been trying so very very hard to hide my pain,sickness and sadness from everyone but im finding it harder and harder the worse I feel, its hard to play it tough when all you really want to do is just go to sleep and never wake up, dont get me wrong Im not wanting to die but I just find myself needing the pain and nausea to stop.

I guess thats why it was an easy choice to open this blog, ive lost touch with real life and how to act in normal situations with all this going on with me and rather then dumping this on the people I care for, who no matter how much they may want to cant do anything to help.
Im aware that most of them just dont GET it and nothing I can say is gonna help that.
Im going to be sending a few of them a link to this blog and if they want to read fine and if not that too is also more then fine by me.

I almost hope that thru this I can find some mental healing as well, maybe connect with someone who understands and has some insight to offer.

But let me end with this, 4+ years of my 20's are gone just like that and im coming up on 30 with no end to this within my sights and I feel like the most important years of my life have been and are being stolen from me, I will never get this time back. But even with that bitter sting I know in my heart that this wont last forever,I cant allow myself to believe otherwise.

Thank you for reading this very long first post of my new blog.
-Gwen

Comments

bairdduvessa said…
i hope this blog will work as therapy for you as you go threw these events.
ilectra said…
Thank you Baird, I really do hope it will be. I got my inspiration from you :)
Thank you for reading.

-G
LA_Greaser said…
I'm glad I now have a way to keep up with how things are going with your health without bugging you about it ;)
ilectra said…
:) Me too, thank you for everything.

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